Behind the Scenes

Hey Friends!

I have sat here and thought about how to start this post and nothing seemed to sound right! I’m sorry in advance, but this post is quite lengthy. I’m just going to write and see where I end up! Some of you may know that I am a pretty open book; you ask and I’ll tell! The reason I titled this post “Behind the Scenes” is because there is so much more behind everyone’s life than what you see on social media. I have been seeing a lot out there lately from other influencers or bloggers that talk about not comparing your life to others. Social media is normally a platform that we share all the good and not much of the bad. It’s so easy to get sucked in when you see one person with a certain lifestyle and you start wishing you had what they have. Deep down though, you have no idea what is really behind the scenes of their life.

I’ll get to my main reason for this blog post, which I feel sick even trying to type this. I tried talking to myself on the car ride home and even cried a little trying to put all the right words together to get me through this. Over the weekend I shared quite a bit of my normal stuff in my stories on Instagram and Facebook like I try to always do. Some days I am a little more active than others, but this weekend I tried staying busy with a positive outlook on everything. The past few weeks have been a little crazy to say the least. My hormones have been ON A WHOLE OTHER LEVEL! I said in previous posts about 2019 being THE year and really staying focused…and I know we are only 14 days in, but it has been extra hard because we had some unexpected news.

NEW YEARS DAY I took a pregnancy test because I had this gut feeling that something wasn’t right with my body. Several signs and symptoms you would chalk up to being pregnant had been in the back of my mind driving me crazy. I know those symptoms because I have two children and each one of those pregnancies I caught early. I truly didn’t think to take a test though because I had an IUD, which is a form of birth control that is good for several years. My specific IUD (Skyla) was good for three and I had only had it for a YEAR!

I puked one night after a Christmas party, which was very strange as I didn’t drink a lot. Then I had days where I was never feeling full…like at all, I just kept eating!!! Then I had several mornings and nights I would get this overwhelming feeling of being nauseous and I just KNEW something was not right…but I didn’t think I could be pregnant because again, I had the IUD. Nate and I had no thoughts of having any more children…or at least not right now. MAYBE down the road in the future, but DEFINITELY not this very moment. Our oldest will be SIX this weekend and our youngest just turned ONE in October…there were absolutely no thoughts of having two under two.

I was not expecting the word PREGNANT to actually pop up on that little test…because there was less than a 1% chance (0.02%-0.08% to be exact) that it could happen and who would have that I would be that person?! I was terrified, especially because I knew there were so many risks that I had read about when women become pregnant on an IUD. I was sick to my stomach AND I was trying to decide how to tell Nate and how I would tell my family, my friends, and my coworkers. I had so many thoughts come rushing to my head!

I ended up telling Nate and we both had the same mindset: whatever is meant to be is meant to be. I couldn’t get into the doctor’s office that day so I had to wait until the following day stressed and scared. I called my doctor’s office and explained what was going on and they wanted to see me immediately.

I went to the office, they checked my IUD and everything was in place so I was literally that 1% that got pregnant on it. They ran some blood work to check my HCG (human chorionic gonadotropin) levels and they showed positive and basically told the doctor that I was indeed pregnant. Once that was all done I left and came back a couple days later for them to draw more of my blood, remove my IUD, and continue checking my levels to make sure they didn’t drop. The reason they wanted to check all of this was because getting pregnant on an IUD is high risk and there is actually a 50% chance that I could end up miscarrying.

I ended up having one scare that something wasn’t right so I went in and did more blood work, but left with good news that my levels were still rising. At this point, we were already getting excited to the point that we had told our parents and were just taking things day by day. We knew this baby was meant to be. Last week I had an appointment scheduled for an ultrasound to make sure everything was still running smoothly and that the gestational sac was on the inside of my uterus. Another scare for women with pregnancy while having the IUD is an ectopic pregnancy. This is when the fertilized egg attaches to somewhere else in your body like a fallopian tube. This can be seriously dangerous if it doesn’t get treated.

We were nervous, but excited to finally see something on the screen in front of us. I had got an ultrasound at one of the many other appointments I had, but they weren’t able to see anything yet. As the tech was doing my scan she kept taking several photos and I had no idea of what because everything was so blurry. She then mentions I was a little bit of a hard scan, so I was thinking she meant like she wasn’t going to be able to tell us anything because she couldn’t see what she needed to see to give us the right information. Well…she then says, “You’re gonna hate me when I say this, but I think I see TWO sacs.” PUMP THE BRAKES!!!!! You see what!?!?!

NEVER in my right mind did I see myself adding one so soon, but TWO??!!!! Now that is just crazy! The tech showed us what appeared to be two little sacs that were right next to each other and explained she wanted to show the doctor who would probably want to meet with us. Nate and I went downstairs to the main lobby and waited for about 45 minutes…it was a quick but long 45 minutes. We called both of our moms who were in as much shock as we were. It was so weird though because all I could do was smile and laugh at the same time. To think that I am the 1% that gets pregnant on this IUD, but also to be the one to get pregnant with twins.

We ended up meeting with the doc and even after several great visits we had previously, we ended up leaving this one office concerned and confused. Not only was my case rare, but it was all just so bizarre. Again, I had so many thoughts going through my head. I thought how on earth can I go back to work with this type of news?! I had a few hours with all of these what ifs and excited/scary thoughts that were consuming my mind. This didn’t get any better and actually came to a haltering stop when my doctor called me with news that the blood work showed that my levels had dropped…

I have been through a miscarriage before and I knew what that meant. When she called me I immediately could hear it in her voice that it wasn’t going to be good news. She basically told me that my levels should have been double what they were than the last blood draw and I was expecting to hear those numbers. They definitely didn’t go up at all and actually went down quite a bit, which is why I was questioning this whole thing. I already had it in my mind that God wanted me to have this other child…or two, whatever the case may be…but I truly wasn’t prepared to hear that things were going wrong since everything had been going right. There is no easy way to tell someone that type of news. It felt like life stopped for me and I tried so hard getting through that phone call without crying, but I just didn’t have it in me. I managed though as she told me what the next steps were to get through what was yet to come.

At that point I wanted to turn everything off and I wanted to shut everyone out and just lay in my bed and cry and cry and cry some more. I cried a few more times throughout the evening. I went to bed and woke up the next day with a little bit more positive outlook on life, which wasn’t easy but it also wasn’t hard. When I went through my last miscarriage, I was at a completely different stage in my life, I wasn’t stable mentally or physically in my relationship or in my relationship with myself. I did everything opposite of what I should have done. I took what was happening and turned it into a bigger issue than how I should have handled it.

I knew I couldn’t let that happen again. After all, I have two little girls that need me and a husband that I didn’t want to put through that again. I am blessed by all measures and I couldn’t forget that. Any baby is a blessing, but I reminded myself there was a reason for this and why this was happening. I tried really, really hard not to fixate on this and I will allow myself to grieve in my own way on my own time, which is currently just in silence. It’s hard and it is not something I take lightly. The rest of the weekend I slapped a smile on and chose to be grateful and deal with the miscarriage as it came. I spent time with my family and friends and tried to keep myself occupied. Don’t worry I got a lot of rest as well.

So as you can see, what you see on social media is NOT everything you think it is. Real life is happening so don’t take what you have for granted. Always be nice because you truly have no idea what someone is going through. I know that if my future holds more children, they will come when the time is right! BUT I still feel for every single woman that has gone through miscarriage. I pray that you are able to find happiness and find the strength to get through this. God has a plan and don’t ever forget that! It was really hard for me to write this post because there is so much more to it, but I think it’s safe to say it’s long enough…for now. For all of you who have or are going through this please feel free to reach out to me. I understand and I would love to learn more on your journey and what you did to get through this.

Thank you for taking the time to read this and I will talk to you all soon! XOXO

Goal Digger

Happy New Year Friends!

I don’t know about you but 2018 felt long and drawn out! I was definitely waiting for the New Year to hit since I had all these aspiring goals and this new task list I wanted to get a start on. I am one of those people that like to start new goals at the beginning of a week or in this case the beginning of a new year! Starting this blog has opened up my eyes to so many opportunities that I truly needed to find a way to manage my time and set realistic goals or realistic time frames.

As you know I work full time and have a family, which doesn’t give me a ton of time to work on a side gig as much as I would like it to. That’s actually what I used to tell myself, but now I realized i’m only going to make it where I want to be if I make the time and find the time. Whether I have to stay up late or get up earlier or do things on my lunch break. I am determined to make 2019 the best year yet! I bought myself a planner ( which I do every year and end up using it for a few months and i shove it to the side) but this time it’s going to be different! I feel like I needed this planner to really try and learn to balance my time. Along with that saying “No” I have always been the one to try and fit everything in whether it was saying sure I will stop by here or sure I’ll go to lunch, and then juggle family and children in between…it caused nothing but headache and stress for me and ultimately my other half. So part of my new years resolution I plan on making sure that whoever has my time gets my time!

The month leading up to January I kept telling Nate and my good friends that 2019 was going to be THE year! The year of growth, not only for me but for my friends and family. Everything just felt right and I don’t know if that was the self motivation I look for everyday that made me feel that or prayer. I pray for a lot of things…strength, courage, for my family and my friends. I feel like talking to GOD has seriously changed my life TREMENDOUSLY! I don’t like to preach but I know God has a plan for me and everyone. I tell myself on the regular that ” He would never put anything in my path if he didn’t think I could handle it.” When I tell myself that or anyone needing a little encouragement I feel like it can change your whole look on life or a certain situation. You gotta do what you gotta do and that’s exactly what I plan on doing.

MY GOALS or TASK LIST FOR THE NEW YEAR

  • Be More Organized
  • Be Consistent
  • Declutter my house (every single room)
  • Spend more time enjoying the little things at home and not worrying SO MUCH !
  • Be Real with myself
  • Try to be healthier with my diet and working out
  • Spend time really dating my spouse
  • Setting a standard/ Goal for my blog and Instagram. Gotta show up to be seen!

These are just a few of my goals/ tasks that I would really like to accomplish this year. I know I can do it and plan on taking all the necessary steps to get there! Overall I hope that you all set yourself some goals and try tackling them little by little. We have to better ourselves any chance we can get and I truly think this year we can all help each other grow in some way some form. Please comment below and let me know your personal goals and if there is anything special in the New Year you would like to see more of from me! Happy New Year and Cheers to a great 2019!

“Empowering AF”

WOMEN- YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, STRONG, POWERFUL AND SO MUCH MORE!

As a mom of two it’s really hard to see your body as it once was. I know I don’t work out on the regular and I don’t have an incredible diet…or any at that. I do however have me, myself and I to tell myself that I am beautiful day in and day out. I have struggled with self confidence for as long as I can remember…It’s hard not to pick yourself apart when you’re feeling frumpy or bloated or when you’re in a swimsuit or tight jeans that you once fit into not long ago. Your mind takes you into these places sometimes you wish it wouldn’t.

I have come a long way in trying to stop the negativity that occurs and tell myself out loud that I AM BEAUTIFUL. I promise the more you say it the more you feel it. It also helps when you have an amazing support system like a significant other, friends, or family! This brings me to why I wanted to write this post in the first place.

Getting into blogging and running a side business in social media brings A LOT of insecurities… A LOT! It’s weird because I found myself falling into this pit of not being good enough or pretty enough or skinny enough before I started doing this all. Along the way I found some incredible accounts that shared so much positive and empowering content that made me feel fearless, which is why I decided to go for it!

I feel powerful because I stopped thinking about what everyone thinks of me. I am in control of my thoughts, my life, my body, and everything in between. I’m not saying there wont be hard days, but I am feeling more and more confident with where my life is headed. With more consistency and organization I believe I can do more for myself and hopefully for you too!

I recently shot with an amazing woman named, Livia, owner of Less is More Boudoir. I actually came across her feed on Instagram and saw how amazing her work was. It’s tasteful and beyond beautiful. I’m not going to lie I was extremely nervous actually leading up to it, sweating the whole car ride there and probably even a little during the beginning of the shoot.

Thank god for Livia! She is incredible to work with. Not only does she have this amazing spirit but she brings so much creativity to your shoot and the entire time you feel like this new, confident, and powerful woman you’ve never met. Her whole attitude is uplifting and something I’ve never experienced before. I know sometimes people think boudoir shoots are just for your significant other but this wasn’t just for him, it was for me as well! I thought to myself…should I really do this right now…I should lose a few pounds or at least hit the gym a couple times before going. Then I stopped and thought…I know Nate loves me and he would love this no matter what.

Livia told me even though I am going to be giving these away to my husband, it’s a special gift to myself because sometime as mothers we get so preoccupied with keeping the kids going, the meals and laundry and errands that we forget about ourselves and who we were before the little babes. I couldn’t agree more because it has taught me to take time for myself, for us and really be grateful for this masterpiece God has given me.

I hope after reading this you can walk into the New Year with confidence knowing you can do anything you set your mind to. Make sure you stop and love yourself and your body no matter what size or shape. Loving yourself day in and day out is so important. The new year is going to bring so many fun and great things. I can’t wait for you all to follow along for the ride! Happy New Year!

Talk to you soon. XOXO

Being Present

  I know this is only my second post but I wanted to jump right in and be real with you all. This blog is a mix of everything beauty, lifestyle, steals and deals as you already know. A lot will also be about MOTHERHOOD which brings me to this post..I am first a mother and wife above all other things.

 Mom life is nonsense sometimes and overwhelming especially when you work full time, have a kid with an attitude, deal with negative people at work or rude people in the world, and it all sucks when you have an anxiety issue on top of it all. Some days it seems like a piece of cake and other days you are at the end of your rope..

One day my life can be running as smooth as possible and the next thing you know I’ve got a child with a fever, a blow out diaper, or a toddler with an attitude of a teen. You will learn more about me through this all and one thing I am very open about is my anxiety and how it can effect me and my lifestyle.

My oldest daughter is just five years old but acts like she could be 13!! All the sass that comes with her spunky attitude is a lot to handle. I’ve been through the terrible twos, obnoxious threes, feisty fours, and know it all fives! Let me tell you…I am terrified for sassy six! Don’t get me wrong she is seriously the life of the party and has a heart of gold but as some of you may know children are good for everyone else but their parents. All of this is a learning experience and I couldn’t be more thankful to have this opportunity to raise two beautiful children. Going through all of this now with Adelyn will only help us with her little sister as she gets older. Avery Mae is a little spitfire herself. We are currently in the stage where she is learning so much. A couple words here and there, mastering walking, running, climbing. Even the hitting stage. I just hope whatever we are doing brings them nothing but joy and happiness knowing they have so many people that love and care for them because I love my babies and at the end of the day they are growing and learning every day just like me, although it seems like some people never learn anything.

I LOVE my job!! I emphasize on the word love because I can not get enough of the people I work with. We are all so close and we really are like family. If we didn’t have a support system outside of work you bet your ass we do at “home” The amount of support and friendships we’ve created between one another is something I have never came across in a workplace. Don’t get me wrong it’s not always sunshine and rainbows around the office because we still deal with everyday life, rude people, nice people, conflicts with one another. For example: We ordered Jimmy Johns the other day for our doctor. When the guy got there he rudely interrupted me while I was with a patient and basically threw the bag at me. No “Hello, how are you, or kiss my ass” When I signed the receipt he had the nerve to ask me if I was going to tip him!! Like really… I feel like some people just need a big time out, including myself.

I have learned a lot over the past couple years dealing with anxiety and the MANY ways it can effect me. My anxiety comes with mood swings, deep depression, scatter brain, and so much more. I will focus a blog post at some point and touch on different ways I have learned to adjust, or take a step back and different breathing exercises. I feel like this day and age depression and anxiety is so much more common and talked about. Which makes it a lot easier for me to be able to share my experiences.

I  promise to put out amazing content and be present as much as possible because after all that is a big part of being a blogger and influencer. However, there will be days you see way more of me than others. As I get my hands into a little bit more you will see what I am capable of and then the fun really begins!! I have so many things planned for you all and I am so excited to share this crazy thing you call life with all my faithful readers!

Be sure to keep an eye out for some fun little things I’ll be doing in the next week! Talk to you all soon.

Xoxo

The Journey Begins

Okay y’all!  So you know how much I enjoy a good deal, or what I like to call it, ” Steals and Deals”

I remember looking back in the day when my mom always kept her coupon book in her purse and NOW it has FINALLY clicked! Not only do I get to save money but I get more bang for my buck! Shopping smart and savy has really come in handy since I have two little minis to shop for. If you have girls you know what I’m talking about! Little Divas in the making!

I feel like I have a pretty good eye for a bargain. I’ve learned what strikes my interest seems to strike a lot of yours as well. So part of my main focus on this blog will always be to share great deals I come across. 

Another main focus on the blog will be Beauty!! I have always loved make up and I have alwayssss loved playing with it. I am definitely not a make up artist of any sort, but trying new products makes me the happiest girl on earth! I’m sure y’all can relate when you get the notification that your package has arrived at your door step and you jump up and down and silently scream with excitement! 

My favorite blogger of all time, Krista Horton said once, ” I love feeling connected and feeling like we are all one somehow someway!” Which is exactly how I feel on so many levels this day and age with the social media craze.

There are so many things I want to share with you all, and I can’t wait to jump right in and really get to know and connect with each and every one of you! In the mean time if you wouldn’t mind taking the time to share, like, comment and subscribe I would genuinely be so thankful! 

Talk to you soon! xoxo